Learning to love yourself – building self-belief

Why do we give ourselves such a hard time?

It’s so easy to run ourselves down in our minds that we end up believing it. Anxiety, doubts, lack of confidence in our abilities and comparisonitis. It erodes our self-belief and confidence. We compare ourselves, our lives, even our children to others. Social media doesn’t help with this either.  When we don’t love ourselves enough we forget to trust our judgement and negative thoughts creep in. It’s time to love ourselves more and banish the self-doubt and have more self-love!

“The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.”  JoyBell

Remember that you are a human and not a superhero! So, manage your own expectations. Yes, there are some seemingly supermums out there who do seem to manage everything and are super confident but don’t compare yourself and your life.
End the comparisonitis in your mind! Behind the scenes is very different to the social media feed!

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”   Theodore Roosevelt

How do you speak to yourself? Think to yourself would you speak to a friend the way you are speaking and thinking to yourself? If the answer is no then cut yourself some slack. Give yourself more love and don’t be so hard on yourself. Do nice things for yourself. Giving more to yourself means we can give more to others. Here are some tips on how to have more me-time!

Accepting ourselves for who we are and our funny little habits and foibles like we do for our friends is really important.  We forgive our friends nearly anything, don’t we? We accept our friends being late and understand if their house is a mess and they might be less than calm. We offer words of reassurance and help so why can’t we do this for ourselves?

Stop the guilt about everything and anything. Next time instead of feeling bad when you don’t quite accomplish something, or eat the wrong food or don’t feed the children till late, try ‘never mind, I’ll try again tomorrow’. Just like we tell our children when they make a mistake it should be a ‘never mind’ rather than self-induced guilt that we dwell on.

Social Media has a huge impact on self-esteem and self-worth. Technology is making us feel insecure with fears of FOMO and not being good enough. Disconnecting with tech can help us reconnect with our confidence so stop scrolling and have a digital detox. If you have emotional insecurities it is going to heighten them, so cut down on social media.  We see other people’s holidays, lives and amazing creations on Instagram and Facebook but these are edited highlights, so don’t compare yourself to an edited show reel as this will never be realistic. See our tips below.

Accept that you’ll never make everyone happy all of the time and putting yourself under pressure to please one and all isn’t sustainable so accept that the decisions you make are for you and your family and no one else. Have confidence in what you believe and your decision making. Trust your decisions and draw a line once you have made that decision!

But how do you have more self-love and self-belief?

Your mind is where it starts and ends and it starts with self-belief and realising your own self-worth, and that means changing your outlook and thought processes and not putting yourself in positions where you put yourself down. Building your confidence along the way and congratulating yourself and celebrating achievements no matter how small.

Increasing your own self-belief means building confidence in your own decisions and abilities. Being kind to yourself and stop comparing yourself to your peers.

Try journaling it really does work, write down three positive things before you go to sleep and three in the morning it helps set the mind in a positive cycle and really helps clear your head and get your thoughts out. It’s also great for helping set goals and seeing progress you have made.

Some words of wisdom from Golda Meir:

Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”

Some tips to help you on the way!

  • So many things are outside our control so only worry about the things you can control!
  • Focus on what makes you happy, get out with friends walk in nature be with your family.
  • Accept that you have done the best that you can in a situation and move on, draw a line under it and don’t dwell on it.
  • Stop comparing yourself to others it’s time to love and accept yourself for who you are.
  • Celebrate your achievements however small, and don’t wait until the end of a project celebrate your achievements along the way!
  • Stop running yourself down and accept yourself quirks, habits and all.
  • Forget the unrealistic expectations you have of yourself.
  • Take small steps out of your comfort zone and then come back in and reflect on where you were and where you want to be.
  • Never think you’ve missed the boat learn to forgive yourself move on and start again tomorrow.
  • Think about your positive qualities the ones that everyone tells you about.
  • Don’t concentrate on what you think are negatives of your personality. Talk to a friend ask them if you don’t believe it yourself! (But pick a nice friend!)
  • Ignore any negative thoughts in your head and have positive affirmative statements that become your mantra.

And on social media…

  • If you find that being on Facebook and Instagram is making you feel sad or unworthy recognise this and stop.
  • Take a break. Have a digital detox and reflect.
  • Remember what you see is not all real life it’s edited highlights!
  • Don’t measure your worth in likes and follows, value your real-life engagements.
  • Limit your time on platforms and don’t use social media before bed studies have shown that thoughts that you have before bed and first thing in the morning stay with you through the night and form your thought and behaviour patterns.
  • Take the app off your phone so it’s easier to avoid social media.
  • Unfollow or mute friends or accounts that undermine your self belief and make you feel inferior or damage your confidence.
  • Choose people to follow who inspire and lift you.
  • Value real-life interactions above what happens online.

Always Remember!

“The way you choose to think and speak about yourself is a choice! You may have spent your whole life talking about yourself in a negative way, but that doesn’t mean you have to continue that path.”

Miya Yamanouchi