How are you?
That is something we all need to ask around us. During the pandemic and lockdown there have been so many different changes to our world and especially our personal relationships and our mental health. This has seen us be more physically together while being at home and for some of us – this is too much. For some it is nice to spend time away from each other meaning going out to work and the coming home at the end of the day and seeing each other. But during lockdown this didn’t happen. Gemma Nice, a relationship coach shares some of her meaningful tips to help your mental health if you are in a relationship. Over to Gemma….
In our household my husband usually works from home so the children and I were always out in usual times and come back home in the evening but during lockdown we were working both at home and together 24/7. This was lovely but for some people they need that time away. Of course we found it hard but we communicated and all was good.
Communication is key
In a relationship in general there seems to be the first few months of love, lust, cant get enough of each other and then the normality sets in. We get comfortable, the lust then changes to a deeper love. A deeper meaningful love is what a lot of couples like. But for some this isn’t what they want. Couples then have a lot of trouble trying to communicate with each other. One will be scared of what the other one will to say, especially if they feel the other person isn’t going to like what they say. This comes up time and time again, communication is key. But if you feel you cannot talk to your partner, you then start to resent them or you start to feel depressed, you fold in on yourself, you are not the happy go lucky person you were when you first met. Mental health in relationships comes across in all sorts of ways. If there are children involved, this can have a huge impact on a relationship. The dynamics of that relationship will change especially when a new born comes along. You are tired, you are exhausted, you don’t want your partner to touch you because you don’t feel like you anymore. You don’t know what to do with this tiny human being who you have just pushed out of you. All of this is new to first time parents and we just have to muddle along the best we can. Post natal depression percentage is huge with the rate being between 70-80% of some form of post natal depression within the first year of birth. You don’t know how to react around each other, and you may sometimes feel lonely. If you ever feel like this you need to talk to your partner or get help or find a support group like Kensington Mums of like minded mothers, who have been there already. It is important to find your mama tribe, be if online or offline.
Going back to the relationship, you need to be a couple first and parents second. Find what you used to love doing. What was your first date? Where did you go? Or find some common ground again where you both feel like you can be yourselves and not just parents.
Are you in a toxic relationship?
Another reason mental health comes up a lot in relationships is due to bad memories in childhood. Maybe your partner has never dealt with them before and you can see this in your relationship. This then gets passed onto you and you cannot help but want to leave the relationship because you’ve tried so much in the past to help. Mental health rears itself unexpectedly in all kinds of areas and one being relationships with parents. This might mean that your partner has experienced trauma as a child and has never had therapy for it. They become a toxic person who controls you and you then start to have bad thoughts and feelings towards the relationship. It may be something that you just cannot escape from and this will bring you down. The controlling of your partner towards you and you feel you cannot say anything. You need to feel strong enough and know that deep down this relationship isn’t right. But for some of you this can carry on for moths or even years. You love this person so much that you will do anything for them even if it means getting into trouble. All the mind games, all the sayings of you need to do this or do that. Start somewhere and be that person who starts today and say no. Do you know what I am not doing this and get out of that toxic relationship. It will be hard and because you love that person you will do anything for them but it is toxic and you know this is wrong. You see other people in love and you want that, but it is not what you have. Get out of that relationship, work on yourself and then find love unexpectedly.
Start from within
To help with mental health, this starts from within. You need to love yourself before you can love anyone else. This starts with working through your issues in your head, dealing with them one by one and journaling. Journaling is a really good way to release all the negative thoughts and pent up tension. If you are not one for journaling, then you can say all your thoughts into the speaker on your phone. That way they are not collecting up in your head and you can release them. However you do it, you will feel so much calmer. Just journaling for 5 minutes every day when you wake up or when you go to bed, it will make such a difference. Another great way to help with mental health is to meditate or relax. For those of you who aren’t into meditation then call it something else. All it is, is sitting quietly on a cushion, closing your eyes and breathing. Allowing your breath to connect up with your thoughts and letting them go. Take three big deep breaths. On every inhale say to yourself “let” and on your exhale say to yourself “go”. Notice your whole body relaxing. You can do this together as well as this will make you feel more connected to each other.
Your partner is the one you should be able to trust the most and if you can’t trust them, then this will affect your mental health. You need to communicate even if things are going well or something is niggling at you even if its something stupid, you can move on once you’ve spoken about it instead of all this building up and building up and then getting to a point where you need to explode and you feel you can’t come back from that. Once you feel you can talk to your partner then your relationship will go from strength to strength and they will know your trigger points if you go back to feeling bad with your mental health.
Communication is key and I say that a lot to my clients. It is and it makes you feel so much better. So take away what you want from this but know you will feel better, you will start to talk and you will be loved by the person who is meant to love you.
Heal and love yourself
On another note if you are new to dating and have just come out of a relationship then take it slow. Deal with you first. Make sure you are ready. Take some time to really let yourself heal and love yourself and then go and find love. Be ready for you and no one else. Remember your trigger points if you suffer with mental health. Get to know the real you first and know what can set you off, deal with that first and then go out and find love. You will eventually find it and find the person you are meant to be with, just let time and nature take its course.
Everything happens for a reason.
Just trust in the process of healing and you will find happiness, love and peace.
Article by Gemma Nice, Easyoga Founder and Yoga Instructor at www.easyoga.co.uk and a relationship coach. She helps female business professionals recover the relationship with themselves and their partner without seeing a family therapist, changing their personality or leaving their job.