Today we welcome Mum of one Dominnique Karetsos, women of sex tech who is also going to be speaking at our post Valentine’s day event on 21st of February “Lets talk about love” to break our inner taboo and the the nitty gritty truth about the clitoris. We warn you this is not our usual mood, but its written from the heart from one mother to another. In case you did not get your ticket yet to hear Dominique speak, you can get them here.
It never gets old. I go to a dinner party and the predictable question “so what do you Dominnique?” that harmless and familiar question which slides in between sips of martinis. I look around to see how many drinks are in the crowd are before I respond. “I am in the business of healthy and happy vulva’s” (cue the crickets already in chorus). I count to ten and just about everyone has found an excuse to leave and refill their glasses, charge their phones or check on the kids… I’m still chuckling. I proudly own that this is my party trick. (Minx’s that tie cherry sticks into knots with their tongues… step aside please).
So why is my career so interesting? Sure, I get to bring modern technology to one of the oldest industries, sex (it was here way before taxes, ask EVE). I also get to build brands and products that change the way we connect, touch, feel, pleasure ourselves and each other and generally encourage healthy, sex-positive lives. Sounds great, right… Even with all of these, it is also about spreading the word about the discovery that as women we have the EQUAL right to pleasure and yet we still know so little about our own pleasure.
Now, let me be clear. I am not a feminist. I’m a CLITORIST! Say whaaaat?
Well, psychology professor and author of Becoming Cliterate, Dr Laurie Mintz could not have put it better when she says, “Our cultural over-focus on the importance of putting a penis into a vagina is screwing with women’s orgasms”. Do not get me wrong, I am not against women who achieve orgasms through intercourse (admittedly I turn light shade of green while writing this) and while most of us are aware, only 25% of women actually climax through penetrative sex. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this statistic does not differentiate what percentage of women needed clitoral stimulation as well. So this number is even less than we expect.
Now for the GOOD NEWS. For 78% of us, the biggest problems are caused by not enough or not the right kind of clitoral stimulation! Ladies, you know what this means, am I right? Well, we are all born (general sweep) with a body part that’s pure purpose is PLEASURE. No rocket science here, love your clit and it will LOOOOVE you back.
Yes, I can hear the “but…” already. If only women were that simple. I for one am convinced that Mother Nature is laughing at me while I’m planning… sexy time. Before I was a mother, I would have given a high five and taken the challenge of loving my Clit, partly because I was flexible enough to sit, bend and find it, sans mirror.
Along came motherhood and age, not to mention most of my body parts are still on a continuous migration south, my breasts competing to see which one reaches my belly button first and my thighs shove each other while I walk, and it has become almost IMPOSSIBLE to hold my stomach in while attempting a fellatio… sexy style. And now they want me to find my “magic bean”! Well yes, this is the year of the clitoris. Finding (I speak for me), discovering and loving her, so we can start breaking our inner taboo and peeling away all this sex sabotaging pressure we place on ourselves and on our partners.
And to help you peel away that pressure, consider this for a moment. For us who cannot orgasm during intercourse, you are as NORMAL as those who can, we all have (generally speaking) the same bits, they are just uniquely rearranged for YOU (thank you Emily Nagoski for this EUREKA moment).
Take note, 95% of us need clitoral stimulation to reach an orgasm. YES, you are NORMAL. Your clitoris is one of the many keys to your orgasm. As is sexual communication (both of which men and women generally suck at). So lets start to take the time to get acquainted with our sexuality again. Goodness knows mine left the building the day I squeezed my daughter into this world. But I can promise you there are fireworks to be had, so hold a space for yourself, to explore and rediscover all the on’s that turn your clit on and do it judgement free. Be kind to your self and for F’s sake, invite your Clit to the party. She is the star of the show if you let her be.
See you all on the 21st of February 2018.