Finding ways to help yourself keep mentally well during the pressures of the pandemic is vital. You may find that what worked for you in the past, for example the prospect of a night away or a holiday, isn’t available right now, so you’ll need to explore other options. Some may work for you, some may not, it’s a matter of trial and error, but don’t feel defeated. Our four top tips will help you, and your family, get through the next few months with a much more positive state of mind.
Set achievable goals
This isn’t about setting life goals, it’s about prioritising what’s truly important on a day-to-day basis and letting go of everything else.
There’s a lot that’s outside our control at the moment. You may be juggling homeschooling, while also trying to hold down your own job and run the household. It’s probably not going to be possible to clean your house from top to bottom every day while also caring for your children. You may feel that your level of productivity has gone down because your time is being taken up by other things. Don’t beat yourself up about it!
Make it your goal that at the end of every day, your children go to bed happy and well fed. That’s the priority – a family that is happy and well. It may sound a little basic but sometimes we need reminding of what’s really important and to understand that it’s OK to let everything else go. Don’t put pressure on yourself to keep your house immaculate – you can’t have visitors anyway; and good health and wellbeing come a long way before immaculate hairdos, ironed clothes and make-up!
First and foremost, take care of yourself
When you’re on a plane, you’re told to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else. And the same applies now – you have to take care of yourself first so that you can best support your children. Only it’s different right now because you can’t access your normal support networks or enjoy your normal activities and hobbies. However, there are four key areas of self-care that you can focus on:
• Maintain good sleep patterns – within the parameters of your children’s waking hours, make sure you get plenty of sleep. We all know how transformational a good night’s sleep can be, so do what you can to ensure you get the sleep you need.
• Diet and alcohol – it’s common to lose your appetite if you feel stressed or anxious but eating enough and eating properly are vital and can make a huge difference to your perspective and how you feel about a situation. Alcohol is a depressant, and while it’s OK to enjoy the odd glass of wine or your favourite tipple, there should be more days in the week when you don’t drink alcohol at all.
• Exercise – we’re not saying take up running if you’re not a runner but do take advantage of the daily opportunity to go outside. If you’re shielding or self-isolating and can’t get out, there are plenty of online exercise classes you can do – and open the windows to let the fresh air in.
• Carve out time for yourself every day – it can feel hard to do this when you have children but make time for yourself to do something that gives you pleasure – whether that’s relaxing in the bath, knitting, watching TV or staring into space! The snow in a snow globe takes a while to settle after the globe has been shaken. In the same way, you need time to breathe and re-set yourself.
Think about other people
Think about the people who are important in your life and who give you joy. Then acknowledge that there are people in your life who are important but who drain you of energy and resources. For example, you may have a single person in your support bubble whom you visit every day. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about them and want to support them, but you may find they drain your energy. It can be exhausting.
Counter that by spending more time with the people who give you joy. It’s quite possible that you’d put your children in both categories, so make sure you create opportunities to do fun stuff with them – family film nights, board games, bike rides – get creative! Equally, see if you can create ways to have fun with the people you find draining too.
Look forwards
It’s very easy in times of stress to live in the here and now, which at times can be a good thing. But there’s a time and a place to look forward – none more so than now. With the Government increasingly optimistic that there’s a route out of this pandemic, now is the time to have goals and dreams again. What have you learnt over lockdown that you want to do differently? What do you want to leave behind? What would you like to try or where would you like to explore? Sieve through your pandemic experience and keep what’s good, for example more activities with the family. What have you learned? Look ahead and give yourself a plan of things that you can look forward to or create ‘top five’ lists of what you’re going to do –concerts, restaurants, visiting friends’ houses, etc.
The situation we’re in now is not forever. Don’t disregard what has happened but think about the future and what you want it to look like. It’s quite possible you may never take doing the school run for granted again!
Rachel Welch, consultant Schools and Families trainer at the Charlie Waller Trust. Rachel has recently written about the impact of cancelling exams on young people’s mental health.
The Charlie Waller Trust provides evidence-based information about staying mentally well; they aim to give practical and positive advice while acknowledging how difficult it can be to experience poor mental health. Supporting parents is a big part of their work, providing leaflets and practical online information for free.
