The Christmas tree has been dismantled, the children are back at school, and the gentle pitter-patter of winter showers tap to you through the windows. But don’t let this scene of normality fool you; January is the annual peak time for divorce nationwide, with the first working day of each year dubbed ‘National Divorce Day.’
If you find yourself reconsidering your marriage then you’re not alone, but what can you do to sweep away the January blues and get your coming year (and divorce) in order? Well, we speak to Paul Britton, Mayfair’s top divorce lawyer who gave us his 5 top tips to navigating the divorce minefield in 2023.
Seek legal advice early
Socrates allegedly once said “the only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” While you may have scoured every distant corner of the internet for divorce advice, the reality is that the internet can only tell you so much and is fraught with outdated articles and content which is just downright wrong.
If you are serious about divorce, it’s crucial that you speak to a solicitor to understand what to expect, what you’re entitled to and, importantly for many, what your partner might try to do if things turn sour.
Remember that divorce can take months if not years and while you might want a solicitor who empathises with you, this isn’t always the best approach. Instead, look for someone who has the right experience; will give you honest, objective advice; offers comprehensive fee estimates; and who has a suitable approach for how you expect your partner to react.
On fees, much in the same way that you won’t find black truffles in Lidl, a cheaper solicitor may provide a fair but inadequate service for your needs.
Prioritise the children
Just because the children are in bed doesn’t mean they aren’t listening. It’s important to avoid arguing in front of children, especially younger ones as it can cause unnecessary anxiety and damage to an otherwise healthy relationship with one or both parents. While it may be tempting to weaponize custody of your children, or to badmouth your partner behind their back, avoid this as it rarely ends well for anyone concerned.
Talking to your partner about how you are both going to explain your separation to the children is vitally important to protect their mental health. Remember that it’s not the children’s fault that Mum and Dad are getting divorced and reinforce the message that you will both continue to be there for them after the dust has settled.
‘Listening to your child’s voice after separation’ is an especially useful resource published by the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (CAFCASS) that can be helpful for parents to follow if you’re unsure where to start.
Consider all your options
Divorce can be considered the ‘final frontier’ of marriage, but there are plenty of options to explore both before and during the process.
Marriage counselling can be helpful for couples, but you both have to be committed to it. Counselling can help you both understand how to communicate better and to process conflict or disagreements in a healthy way. However, it’s not suitable for everyone, particularly if you’re both stubborn.
If counselling isn’t the way forward and divorce seems inevitable, you might try mediation instead. In mediation, a mediator steps in to act as a ‘go between’ for you and your partner. They can help remove emotion from the equation and get you and your partner to agree upon things like child arrangements and how to split your assets, without involving solicitors.
Informally separating offers another alternative where you and your partner agree to go your separate ways. While easy to do, this isn’t without financial risks, especially if you later decide that you do want a divorce. And if you meet someone else during this time, you cannot re-marry while in another marriage.
Lastly, judicial separation allows you and your partner to formally separate but, most importantly, does not end your marriage like divorce. Judicial separation is rare and is mostly only relevant when both individuals have strong religious reasons not to get divorced.
Finances, finances, finances…
During marriage, everything you own becomes a ‘matrimonial asset’ regardless of whose name is on the title deed, account, pension, etc. This means no matter who bought what, your combined matrimonial assets will be split between you both.
What is very helpful for your lawyer, is a nice, neat, and tidy record of where everything is – including what your partner has. Account numbers, sort codes, long card numbers, reference numbers, company numbers and even the Club Card number. All this information will assist your solicitor to building a financial profile of both parties in the marriage.
Remember to also consider both you and your partner’s needs after separation as well as any changes in circumstances, like employment, welfare, children, poor health, and pending inheritance.
Most importantly of all, under no circumstances should you enter any agreements or give up any interest in any asset or property without speaking to a solicitor as you may not have the opportunity to change your mind and claim what is yours.
Know when to compromise
The key to a smooth divorce is stepping back, taking a deep breath, and knowing when to compromise. It’s all too easy to get involved in a tit-for-tat argument over sentimental items, or for every fibre of your being to want to ‘one up’ your partner, but this can seriously impede progress on your divorce.
Instead, think of what your life is going to be like after your divorce or, if you are more materialistic, what you can realistically replace.
Fundamentally, the harder you push for something, the more resistance you should expect to face and the more money you will need to spend to try and secure what you want. That amount may far exceed the value of whatever it is you’re trying to get, and a favourable result is by no means guaranteed. If you trust your divorce lawyer then it’s at this point where you should trust their word.
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